The following is our initial video used for our mock presentation, which was laced with sound defects and our background actors prove to be distracting. Hence, the video was axed, the content of the video was also adjusted. Hence, a new one was filmed.
On the side note, it is kinda strange to look at myself in videos. I actually try to look away from the screen as the videos are being played. Maybe I need to brush up a lot on acting skills.
This module on interpersonal and workplace communication has highlighted to me other aspects of communication, that I was, admittedly, less aware of. For example, listening, how we perceive incoming information, and iterating what we understood, plays a major role in enabling ourselves to be heard. That is, we want to be heard, to be understood, and in order to do so, we first have to be able to hear others ourselves.
This realisation led to another realisation about interpersonal communication that might have been neglected – interpersonal communication with unknown people, in particular, handling/managing conflicts with strangers. Conflicts with strangers are in abundance. It could be someone on your commute obstructing your passage. The norm is to avoid, and hence the topic itself might be avoided. Is avoidance the only way?
Through personal experience, I’ve intentionally provoke and confront people who are in conflict with my belief of the use of public space. And some of the rare few that responded, negatively or positively, became my friends. Interpersonal communication with strangers allow me to advance my practice in interpersonal communication with people whom I already know.
Overall, this module has raised my awareness of verbal and non-verbal communication, mine and others, and ultimately has an impact on my behaviour. This course made me more receptive to adjusting my response and reactiveness to the appropriateness of the situation. I highly recommend it!
Our initial chosen presentation topic was “Being Honest”. After many rounds of discussions, it finally revolved around “Conflict Management” and fixed it as such.
Upon research the subject topic of Conflict Management, resolutions, negotiations, mediation and the likes, in retrospect, we chose our initial topic mainly because we are out to prevent and/or avoid potential conflicts.
Conflicts in our team was abound. However, we were all either accommodating, or compromising; and trying our best to collaborate and avoid confrontational competitive/reactive conflicts.
My initial belief was that it is difficult for me to find conflicts, and that I am an active seeker of conflicts and willing to participate in conflicts. After my research, I realised that the latter is true, however, conflicts are easy to find, I just wasn’t looking in the right places.
I realised that conflicts linger in the background. Especially in public spaces, and between strangers. Two apparent areas, that are now more visible to me, are cyberspace, and commuting space. These conflicts exists, however, people usually avoid any direct confrontation, unless necessary or that one can no longer suppress the frustration.
As mentioned, I actively seek conflicts, so that I can confront them and get better at handling/managing conflicts; to be less afraid of conflicts; so that I avoid conflicts less.
This whole process has made me more aware of where conflicts might exists, to observe others more, particularly to all the non-verbal cues and what others are not saying; to pick up the negative spaces; to exploit these conflicts. How do I exploit? To solicit responses by provoking these seemingly hidden conflicts.
For example, it is my object to get through human traffic as quickly as possible. If someone was to block my way, even if it is just an arm or a finger, I would intentionally knock into them, knock their drink or their phones of if they were to carry them in that hand. It is a win-win-win. I get to bash through human traffic, make another learn a lesson or two, and as a bonus, I’d get what I really want, an irate commuter to practice my handling skills on.
Through this module, its project, its process and classmates, I learned and practiced several verbal and non-verbal aspect of interpersonal communication. Like being more observant of my classmates non-verbal cues and my responses are more premeditated.
Besides entertaining myself with strangers; Moving forward, I hope that, together with people who I am building relationships, I would like to be more aware of hidden conflicts, find ways to address them, and try to make the transitions more pleasant.
“Corn flakes are edible. Conflicts are inevitable.
Everyone holds a different notion to the same motion.”
~Wrong Lee
As an avid cyclist, I hold the belief that bicycles are vehicles; that bicycles
are meant to be on the road, not on pavements, not on pedestrian crossings,
and certainly not on pedestrian bridges; nor do we need to have bicycle lanes
on the road just for cyclist; and most importantly cyclists need to obey traffic.
I obey traffic. I stop when the traffic lights are red!
Cyclists often pedal pass me whilst I am waiting for it to turn green. When they
do, the moment the light turns, I’ll give chase and ask them, “Did you not see
the red lights?”. Their usual replies falls along the line of “Are you stupid of what?!”
Once, a Caucasian of a larger built and taller than I am dash through the red, I gave chase on green. I caught up, tried asking him about running the red. His ears were plugged with ear phones and loud music. He took a earpiece off and I asked again. He stopped and started yelling, asking if it is any of my business. I added that it is dangerous to cycle with earphones on, and pointed to the exact warnings printed on his earphones and on the bicycle. He insisted that it wasn’t any business of mine. We almost got into a physical fight. I observed him held himself back from wanting to punch me in the face. He put on his earphones and exited the scene. I easily cycled pass him and stopped at the next red.
As he zoomed passed me, through the red, he turned around and looked at me. With full view of his face, he showed his right middle finger, and yelled “stupid!”. Simultaneously, a vehicle on the opposite side of the road, made a right turn, knocked into him, and he flew. He was unconscious. I attended to him immediately and called the ambulance. And registered myself as an eye-witness. I didn’t accompany. I cycle a tandem and the public service logistics can’t accommodate its size if I did and left it at the scene.
You could insist that if I didn’t interrupt or interfere, he might not have gotten into a mishap. It is highly unlikely that this everlasting conflict I have with other cyclists will ever be resolved. Is there a better way to remind another cyclist not to cycle pass red lights?
Conflicts can be sour;
Conflicts can be bitter.
Cornflakes can be soggy;
Cornflakes can be corny.
I can be corny.
Conflicts are rare;
Conflicts are hard to find,
at least for me.
For the past month, I’ve been in search of conflicts. I made attempts to cause conflicts. If I could, I’d will a conflagration. Maybe conflicts don’t exist. In truth, they do. They are, in fact, in daily abundance. The difference, I am informed, is that I have a finesse to avert imminent conflict.
In March 2015, during our yearly in-camp training, there weren’t enough bunks and beds for everyone. So, my group, four of us scouted around and found ourselves an air-conditioned room with beds and wardrobes. Feeling serendipitous, we claimed it to ourselves for the night.
The next day, we all had to go about completing our obligations. At dusk, we returned to the room, to find our belongings outside the room, and doors locked. Upon inspection, we realised that some of our gear were missing.
In a fit of anger, a comrade started to conclude that this is the lawlessness of the outsourced, foreign laborer that serviced the room.
As it was dark, we could only relocate, freshen up and turn in for the night. However, through the night, our comrade was restless and incessantly accused a man he briefly seen. His angst could be my contribution, I insisted that we could relate to his frustration, as we are all in the same boat. However, it is partial to accuse someone blatantly. I promised to investigate.
At dawn, I searched for the laborer, and inquired about the room and our property. He insisted that he didn’t service the room, and gave me a lead. He suggested I ask the person-in-charge of the rooms. I shuffled through some administrative offices and it finally led me to the mobile number of the quartermaster to call.
I am told that the use of the room was supposed to be locked, and its use prohibited. The quartermaster, emptied the room, with the assumption that these are the properties of users that left a day before our arrival. So, the missing items were looted and taken home. The rest were left outside the room to be cleared by the laborer. The quartermaster insisted that he’ll not be returning the articles as they are no longer in camp. I didn’t pursue the matter.
I explained the situation to our comrade. And that if he still wanted his belongings back, he could contact the quartermaster directly. As much as he wanted his properties back, he didn’t have the resolve to have them returned. His anger simmered by day’s end.
The next day, he insisted that despite the vindication, he’ll continue to blame laborers of the nationality. To cope with his work-stress, it is easier to lay blame to another, particularly another race or another national, just because he believes that he won’t come into proximity with any, anyway. My retort is that, “We all have to grow up someday. For now, you can remain the way you are, for as long as you like, no one is to coerce you otherwise.”
We may have our prejudices, and with it, make quick accusations of others in the fit of anger. Historically, I was guilty of similar acts of prejudice. Not anymore, I hope.
If you were in my situation, how would you react to my comrade’s accusation, and his prejudice towards other race and nationals besides his own?
Whilst commuting on a train recently, my attention was focused on an elderly indian man, seated at a corner of the bench, waving to a young caucasian lady, who was standing across the cabin, by the train door. When the lady noticed, she gave a look of disgust and looked away. The man put his hand down on his knee where his legs crossed. The lady reluctantly turned back, as she was in a position that she had to return to look in the direction of the man. The man quickly raised his hand to wave as he smiled. The lady looked away again. This time, she turned back almost instantly, like she gave up, resigned, with a look of “what” on her face, coupled with raising up her hands in the air slightly above her waist. The elderly man raised his arm forward, shaking with his wrinkled index finger, pointed towards her, and below her waist. She looked down towards where he was pointing. She blushed in embarrassment, quickly swinged herself towards the door and zipped up her trousers. Her fly was down. She turned back to look around. I couldn’t look away in time, so, I smiled back with a slight blink, trying to convey a look of “it happens” to her. I surveyed around and noticed that only one other lady, who was seated, also noticed the exchange. The caucasian lady’s embarrassment was contained.
Forgetting to zip up could happen to anyone, of any gender, and of any race. It had happened to me before, on a few occasions, and I do feel eternally grateful to those who tell me soonest. I would immediately retrace my steps to when I left my zipper down. And reflect upon the people I’d come across, up to the point where I’m being informed. I would ask myself if anyone else tried to inform me along the way. Though, nowadays, as I age, I learned to just zip up and move on. It is all part and parcel of life.
Besides informing through gestures, I’ve also told others, men and women, when their zipper was down. However, the situation needs to be more discreet, like when it is only just the two of us, for example, in the elevator.
As this example have shown, there may appear to be some prejudices towards a different race or that the man is elderly trying to get the attention of an attractive young lady. If the gender was swapped, like another lady trying to inform her, or a gentleman of the same race, of similar age, the outcome might be different. Also, notice the mode of communication. If the gentleman was to inform her verbally from across the cabin, everyone else in the cabin would be sure to notice. This would expand the scope of her embarrassment.
Verbal and non verbal cues are important in our day-to-day lives. It happens most often in our daily commute. And many choose to avoid these interactions with conviction. And, some of us hope to connect to the people who are on the same bus, in the same cabin, or in the vehicle next to you. I am from the latter.
If someone were to inform you about your fly, what would your reaction be?
And if you noticed someone else’s fly that is down, like your superior’s, someone of great authority, or simply an opposite sex, would you attempt to inform or would you rather walk away without trying?
Your comments are appreciated!
Looking forward to read them.
To me, art is the sweet spot between what is real and what is not; and the art of communication is discovering one’s own unique sweet spot.
In transactional communication, it isn’t easy for one party to have absolute control. Hence, the message conveyed may not be received accurately.
“Don’t Should me, Should Yourself!” ~Wrong Lee.
I dislike being told what to do, especially when “should” is used. “You should do this, you should like it.”, etc. In view of this, my strength in communication, is my avoidance of the use of ” you”. I tend to use “I did this, I felt this way before, I don’t like this, I disagree.” I use, “I”, instead of ” you”. The advantage of this is that I don’t come across as dominating, but relatable. However, on the flipside, I am repeatedly told it is my weakness, that as a result, I am viewed as opinionated and appear to be in a world of my own, “it is not about you, you, you.”
Another strength I have, is that I consider the possible immediate response of others, to my replies, and apply self censorship before an optimal answer is given to minimise confusing information. Conversely, I might take took long to give a reply and appear incompetent.
Sometimes, these optimal answers also appear to be inappropriate or tactless. In these situations, my replies are intentional. My intend is for a different outcome, and they do result in an unexpected story that conveys the message through their own realisation.
“When someone is angry, agree.” ~Wrong Lee.
I learned over the years through self reflection and constant experimentation when someone is angry or that when I am angry, the best way to calm me or another person in order to move forward, is to agree. And the agreement is towards the acknowledgement of the feeling and the events leading to it. In doing so, the search for evidence in their minds are halted, and the search for resolutions begin. In lieu of this, I made this rule universal, that I agree to where the other speaker is coming from. In return, my messages are better received.
My greatest challenge in communication is in fact conveying messages of ideas that use exactly the same words with a meaning that is new to others. For example, “Punch me”, a social experiment I did two years ago where I approach strangers, requesting them to PUNCH ME, everyone declined.
My definition of “PUNCH ME”:
Using alphabet craft punches to punch the letters “PUNCH ME”.
Without context, and trying all other means, I am unable to convince anyone to commit to PUNCH ME.
This is one of the many aspects I hope to improve in interpersonal communication.
Interpersonal and Work Communication 